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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268264">Being Honest to Yourself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquelee/pseuds/jacquelee'>jacquelee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Half A Moon 2021 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Stargate Atlantis Fusion, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:56:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,068</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquelee/pseuds/jacquelee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara is mulling over going with the Atlantis expedition and eventually decides to close a door she'd kept open a small bit for many years, just to maybe finally, after she'd come back actually be able to truly open it again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Half A Moon 2021 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138847</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Half a Moon: 14 Days of Celebrating Women</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Being Honest to Yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for <a href="https://halfamoon.dreamwidth.org">halfamoon</a> for the Tarot card prompt The Fool (with the definition: Beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, a free spirit).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Today hadn't even been that long and it still felt like Sara had opened a whole new chapter in her life. Like everything had changed in those few hours. Which, of course, it had, in more than one way. </p><p>Walking out of the compound with Director Sharpe, she mulled over what had happened and what her choices now were. Even when she barely knew them, those people, Zari, Mona, Charlie and even Nora (though she felt like she still had a long way to go to undo that horrible first impression), felt closer to friends than anyone else had in the last decade. Of course, she got along with many of her co-workers and she made friends easily but she also moved around so much that it never got too deep and never lasted long. </p><p>And it wasn't like it would be very different now, even though, if she took the job, she'd possibly end up working with them for far longer than she normally would, in a setting that would be impossible to just leave. Because it would be in a different galaxy, with no immediate way to get back. She still had a hard time wrapping her head around that part. Zari had been very nonchalant when she told her, everyone basically assuming that of course she would come, seeing it as the opportunity of a lifetime. </p><p>Director Sharpe, Ava, had left them alone at some point, while Zari and the others where still explaining things to her. When she came back to announce that she would need the flight back now, Mona had been the first one to hug Sara, welcome her to the team and tell her that she was so glad that she would come with them to Atlantis.</p><p>Which had been a complete shock to Sara and when Zari had just shrugged and stated it as a fact that they were leaving in two weeks, that she better get her affairs in order till them, her first instinct had been to retreat, to tell them that they had the wrong person, that she couldn't possibly just up and leave everything behind. </p><p>But then she had hesitated. Looking around her into all those excited faces it was hard to tell them no, to tell them that she had no idea why she was able to control that damn chair but that she definitely didn't want anything to do with it. So she didn't tell them. Because the truth was that there wasn't really an argument for not going. It wasn't like anything was holding her back, like she had anyone. A small voice in the back of her head told her that that was her own choice, her own fault but she had gotten so good at shutting up that voice that it wasn't hard to do it now.</p><p>Except she realized that that wasn't what she actually wanted. That maybe listening to that voice instead of ignoring it as always would help her in the long run, even when it was painful now.</p><p>The thing about that was that listening to that voice meant facing the truth that even when she had taken jobs all over the world, she still in a way always kept her safety net of being able to say that eventually she would contact her parents again. Contact Laurel again. Not today, no, never today, but tomorrow. Or next week. One day. Definitely one day. Agreeing to go on this mission, to literally drop off the face of the Earth and stay in a different galaxy for an indefinite time would mean that she would cut off that safety net.</p><p>That she would finally, after twelve years, admit that she wasn't going to contact them, not tomorrow, not next week, never. At least not in any foreseeable future. And she wasn't sure if she was ready for that.</p><p>While she was thinking hard, they had entered the helicopter, both putting on their helmets and was now going through the pre flight procedures. She could tell that Ava wanted to talk to her but knew enough not to bother her during take off. After that there was little to do other than fly on the designated course, so Sara turned a little into her direction, giving her an encouraging nod. </p><p>Talking over the helmet microphones wasn't ideal but possible and it was clear Ava had things to say. </p><p>"You know nobody is forcing you to come, right? I know they can be a little overwhelming with their enthusiasm, but it's 100% your choice. I understand that this is really short notice and it's a lot to ask of someone to leave everything behind, their friends, their family-"</p><p>Sara let Ava talk at first, but for some reason, being assured that she didn't need to go suddenly made her sure that she wanted to. That this was the right thing to do. So she interrupted Ava, deciding that she would finally face that small voice, for better or for worse. </p><p>"I don't have one of those."</p><p>It felt like a huge weight was dropped off her shoulders. It made her feel terrible, like a liar, like she was closing a door that should never be closed, but at the same time it felt more honest than anything she had said in the last twelve years. Maybe that was what she needed. Maybe she needed to close that door for good, at least for a while, to finally want to open it again later. </p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"Don't be, it's fine. And you don't have to convince me, I already decided to join you."</p><p>"Oh. Okay. Right. Good."</p><p>Ava stayed silent after that and Sara appreciated it. It gave her time to sort her thoughts out, to stop herself from spiraling after she made this impulsive decision. All the what-if's and how-can-you's jumped around in her head but she ignored them all, stubbornly sticking to what's-done-is-done. </p><p>She would move to a different galaxy, cut off any possibility of contacting her family again for at least a few weeks, possibly months or years (another small voice said maybe even forever but she successfully ignored that one). And after she came back, hopefully the cycle of tomorrow not today would have been broken and she could muster up the courage to talk to them again. </p><p>To finally be brave enough to reopen that door.</p>
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